Worship Allah While Satisfying Desires!

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Most Beneficent.

If I offend anyone by this, please blame me and punish me, but do not reject the message that I convey without any strong counter evidences.

“O believers enter into Islam completely”(Quran 2:208)

As I have mentioned, Al-Islam is not a religion, but "Deen" which means a way of life. So, it is impossible that Islam does not guide one in one of the most important aspect of our life, which is during our intimate relations with our spouses. Unfortunately many scholars and local Imams fail to discuss the topics that are very important. I would like to share what a Muslim husband and wife suppose to do in their physical relationship.

Yesterday, I was talking to some brothers about implementing Quran in our lives, and not just memorizing the Arabic words. This is an example of the implementation of the Quran. So, please implement this, and worship Allah while satisfying desires. What a beautiful deen.

Halal unless prohibited

"Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will; (Quran 2:223)

Above verse gives permission to Muslims to have physical relation with their spouse as they please, and makes every reasonable act permitted. There are some specific prohibition that are explained below. In fact, we should make an effort to meet each other's desires without crossing the boundaries, and the boundary is very big.

Foreplay before play

Imam al-Daylami (Allah have mercy on him) records a narration on the authority of Anas ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) is reported to have said: “One of you should not fulfil one’s (sexual) need from one’s wife like an animal, rather there should be between them foreplay of kissing and words.” (Musnad al-Firdaws Of al-Daylami, 2/55)

Imam Ibn al-Qayyim (Allah have mercy on him) reports in his famous “Tibb al-Nabawi” that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) forbade from engaging in sexual intercourse before foreplay. (See: al-Tibb al-Nabawi, 183, from Jabir ibn Abd Allah)

Sayyida A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) would kiss one of his wives and then leave for prayer (salat) without performing ablution (wudu). Urwa says that I asked A’isha: “It must have been you?” (Upon hearing this) A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) smiled.”(Sunan al-Tirmidhi, no. 86, Sunan Abu Dawud, no. 181 & Sunan al-Nasa’i, no. 170))

Sayyida A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) would kiss her whilst he was fasting (m, refer to the fiqh of kissing during fast) and he would suck her tongue.” (Sunan Abu Dawud, no. 2378)

Again, some self acclaimed pious individual would have you believe that we should not indulge in the foreplay with our wives, and keep it very formal. However, this is totally incorrect, for who can possibly be more pious, pure and God-fearing than the Messenger of Allah (PBUH), yet not only did he encourage foreplay, etc, but practically engaged in it with his wives, as we have learnt from the many narrations quoted above.

Thus, it is not a sign of piety to abstain from such activities, for there is no place for monasticism (rahbaniyya) in Islam. It is a practical religion where one may fulfil his/her needs in a permissible way.

Prohibition of rectal intercourse

Although Allah has allowed approaching wives in any way. He has prohibited intercourse through the anus/rectum. Anything that Allah prohibits has a wisdom, and we should surrender to his command regardless of it making sense to us or not. Also, any order from the Messenger (PBUH) is an order from Allah, as he had the power of attorney. If you have doubt about this, please contact me. 

Narrated AbuHurayrah:

The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: He who has intercourse with his wife through her anus is accursed.  (Abu Dawood Book 11, Number 2157)

Narrated AbuHurayrah:

The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: If anyone resorts to a diviner and believes in what he says (according) to the version of Musa), or has intercourse with his wife (according to the agreed version) when she is menstruating, or has intercourse with his wife through her anus, he has nothing to do with what has been sent down to Muhammad (peace_be_upon_him) - according to the version of Musaddad. (Abu Daw Book 29, Number 3895)

Prohibition of intercourse during menstruation

Again, this is a specific prohibition, and overrides any other allowances. So, we should avoid intercourse during this period. However, Prophet (PBUH) would caress his wives during this period to continue the relationship, and he would not treat them like something dirty that you can't go close to.

"And they ask you concerning consorting with their wives during menstruation. Tell them, 'It is a harmful thing, so keep away from your women during menstru­ation, and do not consort them until they are clean. But when they have washed themselves clean, consort with them as Allah has commanded you. Allah loves those who turn to Him often, and loves those who are clean and pure.' "(Al Quran 2:222)

Allowance of Oral interaction

This is one of the most common question I receive, and there are many scholars who would deny Muslims from this approach without having any evidences. There is no such restriction on us, and whoever restrict themselves are only denying the favours of Allah by rejecting what is permissible. May Allah question them on the day of judgment.

"Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will; (Quran 2:223)

Above verse gives full permission to us to perform any sexual activity with our wives, except intercourse during menstruation or through rectum, as stated above.

Everything is halal in this world for us, except what is specifically prohibited by Allah or by the Prophet (PBUH). So, if the couple finds the comfort in this approach, there is no prohibition.

Foreplay is not only allowed, it has been encouraged in Islam. Goal is to satisfy each other so there is no need for extra marital affairs. Care must be taken with cleanliness before and after the oral intercourse, as Islam is the way of cleanliness.

Cleaning after intercourse

After an intercourse, we are required to take a bath, because we can not pray salat in this state. It is permissible to sleep in this state of "Janaba" but it is better to at least make wudu.

Also, angels do not enter home where there is someone in the state of Janaba.

Narrated Abu Huraira:

Allah's Apostle went out (of the mosque) when the Iqama had been pronounced and the rows straightened. The Prophet stood at his Musalla (praying place) and we waited for the Prophet to begin the prayer with Takbir. He left and asked us to remain in our places. We kept on standing till the Prophet returned and the water was trickling from his head for he had taken a bath (of Janaba). (Bukhari Volume 1, Book 11, Number 612)

Narrated Abu Bakr bin 'Abdur-Rahman:
My father and I went to 'Aisha and she said, "I testify that Allah's Apostle at times used to get up in the morning in a state of Janaba from sexual intercourse, not from a wet dream and then he would fast that day." Then he went to Um Salama and she also narrated a similar thing. (Bukhari Volume 3, Book 31, Number 153)

Contraception are allowed

Some would tell us that we should try to have kids, at every relationship, and using any countering measures is haram. In the following hadith, the Prophet (PBUH) made it very clear that we cannot block a human body to enter this world, so he allowed the method of Azl, which is the best method for contraception till today.

Abu Sirma said to Abu Sa'id al Khadri (Allah he pleased with him): 0 Abu Sa'id, did you hear Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) mentioning al-'azl? He said: Yes, and added: We went out with Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) on the expedition to the Bi'l-Mustaliq and took captive some excellent Arab women; and we desired them, for we were suffering from the absence of our wives, (but at the same time) we also desired ransom for them. So we decided to have sexual intercourse with them but by observing 'azl (Withdrawing the male sexual organ before emission of semen to avoid-conception). But we said: We are doing an act whereas Allah's Messenger is amongst us; why not ask him? So we asked Allah's Mes- senger (may peace be upon him), and he said: It does not matter if you do not do it, for every soul that is to be born up to the Day of Resurrection will be born. (Bukhari Book 008, Number 3371)

Narrated AbuSa'id al-Khudri:

A man said: Apostle of Allah, I have a slave-girl and I withdraw the penis from her (while having intercourse), and I dislike that she becomes pregnant. I intend (by intercourse) what the men intend by it. The Jews say that withdrawing the penis (azl) is burying the living girls on a small scale. He (the Prophet) said: The Jews told a lie. If Allah intends to create it, you cannot turn it away. (Bukhari Book 11, Number 2166)

 According to Jabir, "We used to practise 'azl in the Prophet's (pbuh) lifetime while the Qur'an was being revealed." There is another version of the same hadith, "We used to practise coitus interruptus during the Prophet's (pbuh) lifetime. News of this reached him and he did not forbid us." (Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 136)

Although Islam encourages to have children, but it also allowed contraception methods that are not harmful to one’s health. Please chose wisely.

Abortion is allowed until 119 days

Non-Muslims struggle with this question everyday, and they have been debating on when the fetus becomes a human life. Islam has provided the answer to that question. Human life is the soul, and the soul enters on 120^th day, so before that the fetus is an animal life.

Narrated Abdullah:

Allah's Apostle, the true and truly inspired said, "(as regards your creation), every one of you is collected in the womb of his mother for the first forty days, and then he becomes a clot for an other forty days, and then a piece of flesh for an other forty days. Then Allah sends an angel to write four words: He writes his deeds, time of his death, means of his livelihood, and whether he will be wretched or blessed (in religion). Then the soul is breathed into his body. (Bukhari Volume 4, Book 55, Number 549)

If there is a need to abort a pregnancy, it can be aborted until the human soul enters the fetus. Before that day, the fetus is a living being, but not a human. Of course killing any living being is a sin, but a lesser sin then killing a human. This should be done with great care and out of great necessity. Recently, scholars have watered down this approach, but we cannot mold Islam according the our needs, rather mold ourselves according to the need of the Shari'a.

This topic is vast, and we can spent hours discussing it. I hope that this helps some prevent extra marital affairs, and divorce, and tense relationships.

JazakAllah Khairin

A practicing Muslim

Abu Arman