Searching for Sincere People!

In the Name of Allah,

All praise is due to Allah, the owner of the day of judgement.

Prophet(PBUH) said, Verily, deen is sincerity. We asked: “To whom, O Messenger of Allah?” He said: To Allah, His Book, His Messenger, and the leaders of the Muslims and to the common Muslims. [Sahîh Muslim, Book 1, Number 0098]

I have waited for a long time to talk about this topic, as it has been one of the reasons that I write these blogs. In fact, many of you will see familiarity in it. So, what does it mean to be sincere? Why sincerity is important?

Let us look at the second question first. If a person is not sincere, then you don't know what their agenda is, and why are they so friendly to you. It may be that when you need them, they will not be there for you because their agenda has changed. Opposite of sincerity is hypocrisy, and if a person is not sincere, they are hypocrite. When I started to practice Islam in 2006, one thing that I decided was to detect insincere person. One is able to tell from a slight actions that a person is not sincere, because they are going along with the conversation. I think it was a result of people opposing me and reacting to the message of Islam in different ways. Sincere people would just tell me outright that they don't agree with me, but insincere people would say encouraging words in front of me, but attack me behind my back. This has been always the hardest part, which I have come to grips with.

So, it is better to have a sincere enemy then insincere friend, because you are not sure if you can trust them. Islam is completely based on sincerity, and that is the meaning of the hadith above. A believer can not believe, if he is not sincere to Allah when he is alone, sincere to his Messenger when difficult hadith is read, sincere to Quran when it shows the truth that is bitter, sincere to leaders when they make a decision that one doesn't like, and specially sincere to other believers when one meets them. I think everyone understands how sincerity is the key to trust and being a believer, so I will not spent too much time on it.

In my case, I tell the truth to people and most don't appreciate it, and possibly talk about me, or even conspire against me. I do not mind that, as if they talk about me, I would receive rewards from it. If they conspire against me, they can not harm me unless Allah allows it. However, I do not want to spend time with people who are insincere, because anything they say, I am not sure if they mean it or just another polite thing they are saying to not offend me. I have made it part of my defense mechanism to repel such people, and if someone who can tolerate the truth and react the way a sincere person would, I know I can trust him, and after that I try to use wisdom to deal with them. You may ask, how can I assume that I am sincere myself, and I would tell you that I am a sinner and make mistake, and don't know if I am sincere. I have made it my effort in my life to stay sincere no matter what. Of course, others are better judge of it, and I may be just living in a pipe dream, but I know the difficult situations I went through, and I could have taken the easy and political road, but I didn't.

Now, how to recognize sincerity among common folks? There may be many methods, but I determine sincerity by testing them. For example, if you tell a group of people your problem, and they all say " Please let me know if I can help you". This could be a sincere statement or a cosmetic statement.  I would call their bluff on it, and ask them for help, and see how they react. If they make excuses, most likely they were insincere. Of course, it would take multiple tests to be sure. It has become common to be politically correct to be accepted by majority of people, and people call it wisdom to not offend anyone. For example, if you have a meeting for community, and you ask a difficult question like "would you support the effort B?", if the person is sincere, they will give you the right answer regardless of the popularity of it. However, an insincere person will always give the popular answer, and try to wave you or change the topic.

Another test I use is personal praise. An insincere person will praise you for minor things just to keep the social relationship, and make you feel better. When they use it with me, I know they are exaggerating, and I will run other tests to be sure. This is usually a very accurate sign of an insincere person, because a sincere person doesn't make effort to praise someone unless it happens naturally. One time, I was praised by someone, and I can see that the person is doing it for a purpose, because he asked me for something right before it.

Most conclusive test I have seen is the stress test. You take someone through a series of conversations, and show them a short fall they have, and see how they react. Everyone will defend, as it is natural, but how they defend is the sign. If a person defend upon the same principal they started with and as the principals are proven wrong they soften their stance, then they are sincere to their core, and I stop at that point and accept them as most trustworthy. On the other hand, if a person defends by any means necessary and quit the conversation or change the principal if their principals are being proven wrong, then they are insincere, and I would stop and leave them alone, and they are not trustworthy.

Most of our world is filled with insincere people, and they would be nice to us, but they may not be sincere to us, and if they are not sincere to us, how can they be sincere to an unseen entity. If everyone was sincere, but still followed their current path, there is an opportunity to bring them closer to the true path. For this reason, we should not waste time with people who are not sincere, because they will not accept the truth if presented to them.

In my humble opinion, sincerity is not something a person can learn, but it comes naturally when one believes in Allah. Either you are sincere or not. It comes from removing the fear of losing status, job, friendship, money, and influence. If we have one sincere friend, and 1000 insincere enemy, it is better then having 1000 insincere friends, because with them everything you participate in will be an insincere gesture.

Sincerity is to be able to disconnect any ties, except the tie with Allah, if necessary. For example, if someone proves to us that the religious tradition that we followed the whole life is un-Islamic, and we refuse to accept it and find excuses to stay with that tradition, because if we accept it, all the people we know will consider us traitor, we are not being sincere. Similarly, if a person is sincere to a cause, and not doing to get money or status or influence, they will be willing to do anything to help that cause including giving leadership role.

Recently, I called a meeting for building a masjid in windermere, and forwarded to many people in the community and reminded for weeks. Night before the meeting, I received an email saying that there was a meeting held at my neighbor's house and they will be building a masjid in this area. Now, it was a great coincidence that they didn't come to my meeting or called me or invited me, but I assume that they were sincere, and I called them and handed over my effort to them, because I don't know what is in their heart. All I asked them was to call the public meeting, so we can find out how many people are interested. All we need is a masjid built so people who don't go to masjid, can chose to pray in congregation. It doesn't matter who builds it. I will give them until Feb 24 to announce the effort and let the people decide the location in the meeting. If they fail to do that, the cooperation will be a failure and will break my trust.

We don't live to please human beings, but we live to please Allah, so that is the priority. Sometimes one has to please humans, as long as it doesn't displeases Allah. When one pleases humans, at the cost of displeasing Allah, they have destroyed themselves. If it turns out that I was blocked from building a masjid on purpose, and that resulted in delay of building a house of Allah, it will be the end of my trust on them, and I will restart my effort InshAllah.

You have probably noticed that this blog is also a test that I am sending out. Responses, and non-responses will all be the sign. Thank you for taking part in it.

May Allah makes me a sincere person, and help us find sincere people, so we can trust them.

JazakAllah Khairin

 A struggling to be a sincere person

Abu Arman Jumani