Indian/Paksitani wedding, a curse or blessing?

In the Name Allah, the most beneficent, the most merciful.

Assalam-u-alaykum,

Today I will be heading to south Florida to attend a wedding dinner. It is a wedding of a relative of my Sister's family. I am happy to see that she is getting married, but also afraid, what would I encounter there. I am hoping that there will be no embarrassing moments with inter-sex dances, and un-islamic traditions etc.

Since becoming a practicing Muslim, I have lost the taste for indulging into lavishing ceremonies, except Eid. It is not because I am claiming to be pious, rather the format of a Pakistani Wedding is full of landmines for a Muslim. I can't stand seeing born Muslims engage into activities that would embarrass our Prophet PBUH, if he was attending that wedding. I wonder, what these people would have done. Would they have continued to mimic Hindus in front of the man who Allah praised himself?

For example, I participated in a marriage recently, and I was very happy, since I could see the husband loves her, and she will be taken care of. However, the evil of Hindu traditions got hold of people specifically women. First, I tried to warn them about following those traditions, but their hearts were covered with memories of marriages they have seen in Pakistan. They did not know or did not care about the example our Prophet PBUH set for marriage.

Shock of my lifetime was on the day of Valima. First of all I respect that family very much, and there is alot of potential to become a practicing Muslim. Whenever I met the Father of the groom, he was very polite, and understanding. On some occasions, I could compare my life story with his, since he got married early to a very well mannered woman, and she converted to Islam. Their ties to local masjid and muslim communities were exemplary.

On the night of Valima, however, this all got forgotten. I was certainly expecting expensive clothes, inter-mixing of sexes, Music, containers in the shape of wine glass, display of vanity to film people as they enter the room. I was planning on biting the bullet, and sit through all that.

Once everyone settled, one person stood up and read Quran with good tajweed, and that was the high lite of the night. After all the small speeches, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, a semi-naked woman appears, and starts dancing, and everyone start watching and enjoying it. I could not believe my eyes. Just after reading Quran, in front of everyone, AllahuAkbar! I tried to turn around, and I saw the Father standing in front of me. I almost cried looking at the expression on his face. Either he was powerless in front of his family, or he was willing participant. Both are not desirable situation. I could not believe that he was apologizing to me instead of putting an end to this evil act that would be in the memories of all the Muslim kids there.

When the dances did not stop after a couple of times, I could not take it anymore, and walked out. On the way out I saw the person who read the quran, and he looked at me, and I looked at him, and there was alot to be said, and nothing to be said. I said Salam, and went back to my room. NFl game was on, so I start watching. Then, prayed I'sha, ate and slept. My wife did not follow me, but I can't blame her.

Am I some religious nut job that I always despised, or an extremist who could not tolerate happiness of his family members. I hope not. I think this is crossing the line, and no Muslim should tolerate this. I pray to Allah that bride's daughter's wedding, this will not happen. I try my best to keep myself away from the hard line views that some Muslims have, and know that our Prophet was a moderate person.

We are Muslims, and we are here as travelers. We will answer for our deeds, and I can't participate in a gathering where Allah's name followed by a display of indecency. I will not tolerate someone dragging me to sin, no.... certainly not.
Even if I have to bite the root of the tree to survive.

Rasool said, "... Then separate from all those groups, even if you (have to) bite the root of a tree till death comes to you as such.” (Al-Bukhari)

In my judgement, this is a curse that Allah has upon us, since we have forgotten our ways. It will remain with us until we take a pledge to practice Islam, and reject the Sunnah of all others except RasoolAllah (PBUH).

Following is the correct format of Marrainge for Muslims. Marriage is an Ibadat, and we are not allowed to invent in Ibadat. There is no feast on the night of Nikah. Marriage is not complete until it is consummated. Feasts on night of Nikah is un-islamic, and should be abandoned. Feast should happen after consummation of marraige.

Allah (swt) says: “Verily, the spendthrifts are brothers of the Shayatin (devils).” (Al-Isra 17:27)

Prophet Muhammad (S) considered simple weddings the best weddings:

'The best wedding is that upon which the least trouble and expense is bestowed". (Mishkat)

"Announce this marriage, and perform it in the masjid… (Tirmidhi).



Prophet Muhammad (S) said:

'The worst of the feasts are those marriage feasts to which the rich are invited and the poor are left out". (Mishkat)




Following article describe in more details the correct format.

http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?ID=2123